Is this sentence correct?

Considering the clients’ weight management concerns and after tabulating the objective and subjective data we ascertained group diagnoses of Imbalanced Nutrition: Less than Body Requirements, Imbalanced Nutrition: More than Body Requirements, Imbalanced Nutrition: Risk for More than Body Requirements, and Readiness for Enhanced Body Nutrition.

Is this sentence okay? Does it need a comma after the word "data"? Is it clear?

Personally, I would do it with the following punctuation, just for clarity.

Considering the clients’ weight management concerns and after tabulating the objective and subjective data, we ascertained group diagnoses of 1) Imbalanced Nutrition: Less than Body Requirements; 2) Imbalanced Nutrition: More than Body Requirements; 3) Imbalanced Nutrition: Risk for More than Body Requirements; and, 4) Readiness for Enhanced Body Nutrition.

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January 21 2009 08:46 pm | nutrition data

5 Responses to “Is this sentence correct?”

  1. dragoncrazyxp Says:

    It's kinda long. You do need a comma after "data", though. If you could shorten it it would be more clear.
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  2. saconners1 Says:

    No comma, its fine.I feel your point was made clearly.
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  3. jurydoc Says:

    Personally, I would do it with the following punctuation, just for clarity.

    Considering the clients’ weight management concerns and after tabulating the objective and subjective data, we ascertained group diagnoses of 1) Imbalanced Nutrition: Less than Body Requirements; 2) Imbalanced Nutrition: More than Body Requirements; 3) Imbalanced Nutrition: Risk for More than Body Requirements; and, 4) Readiness for Enhanced Body Nutrition.
    References :

  4. Galen Says:

    You need a comma after the word "data." Also the sentence is kinda long, I would break it up if you could.
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  5. Glen Allen Lynn Says:

    Some of the sentences are redundant and too repetitive…you are repeating yourself in some areas. This does not read well at all. If I were grading it in an English class it would get a very low grade for effort. Check your grammar and shorten what you are trying to say. Good luck.
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